Introduction
Silly Superstitions
Pick a wedding day... any day... but not really...
Why are we marrying in April?
Rain, Rain, Go Away...
What You See is What you Get...
Hide the Bride from the Groom
Dad's not giving the bride away?
Bridesmaids and Veils
Flowers Everywhere
Flower Girls and Ring Bearers
"Unity Candle" the soap opera
Cake!
Tossing the Bouquet
The Garter
Honeymoon
Final Notes
We share a love for knowledge of little known facts. This research has been done in that light, to share with you the fun little things we've discovered along the way.
"Certainly, our faith should move us beyond any superstition concerning 'bad luck'."
Two key words need to be considered as we share our convictions about superstition in wedding practices: custom and tradition.
A custom is simply something that's been passed down over generations, or is connected with a particular culture. A custom such as lighting the unity candle, may symbolize something good, holy, etc., but is not necessarily full of spiritual grace and blessing.
Tradition, in the Catholic sense especially, has spiritual value behind it, and makes more than just a physical action, but a highly symbolic one. The Tradition of vows, two people making a covenant to one another is not only the words, but the significance and the repercussions are a Sacrament, bearing with it Grace to carry us through our marriage vocation.
Deuteronomy 18:10
Let no one be found among you who ... practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft,
2 Kings 21:6
He sacrificed his own son in the fire, practiced sorcery and divination, and consulted mediums and spiritists. He did much evil in the eyes of the LORD, provoking him to anger.
Mark 6:7
"...[Jesus] sent them out two by two and gave them authority over evil spirits."
If we are told by Christ that we have authority over evil spirits, and warned not to deal with them in the Old Testament, then we must question those "traditions" that are steeped in bad luck, omens and superstition. As Christians, we are called "two by two," Mark and I are standing and ministering this Sacrament to one another before God, and saying, we will not live by superstition, but by God's Law and Covenant. The power of this Covenant is so much greater than any bad omen brought by rain.
Matthew 12:43, 45
"Now when the unclean spirit goes out of a man, [and returns] along with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself ... ; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first."
This scripture speaks to Mel because it really sums up the culture surrounding all of these wedding superstitions - it's gotten completely out of hand. One "superstitious" spirit has been cast out, and returned with seven others.
While Mel was discussing some liturgical traditions to a friend, she mentioned that a priest once said, "Matrimony is my least favorite Sacrament, because it's the one where God is forgotten the most."
We have compiled a list of a few superstitions that are just plain silly, and for the ones we have prayerfully considered, we explain our reasons for not going according to custom.
Saturday was considered unlucky in the past. The famous old rhyme advises a wedding in the first half of the week:
Well, it isn't because of the May superstitions:
Actually, we are marrying in April because it is in between our favorite Church celebrations: Easter and Pentecost. It is still in the Easter season, so we not only get to celebrate the Resurrection, but we also get to mooch off of the leftover Easter flowers and have a baptismal font out, symbolizing new life.
"Bad weather on the way to the wedding is thought to be an omen of an unhappy marriage, although in some cultures rain is considered a good omen. Cloudy skies and wind are believed to cause stormy marriages. Snow on the other hand is associated with fertility and wealth."
This is just a perfect example of how "superstitions" get flip-flopped like pancakes, and that just loses credibility in my mind completely. So I say, let God let Nature do anything it pleases on our wedding day.
"Seeing monks and nuns on the way to the wedding is a bad omen. This may be because they are associated with poverty and chastity. They are also thought to signal a dependence on charity by the newlyweds."
Oh, please! Hello! Monks and Nuns are cloistered, so I don't know how you'd see them on your wedding day anyhow, but we're definitely inviting sisters and mission priests to our wedding!
This is a potentially volatile statement, but we have prayerfully considered
it.
We will be greeting our guests at the front of the Church before the
wedding.
It is often considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony.
We have several reasons for greeting you and seeing each other beforehand:
Well, honestly, the two of us will be bags of tears if we do that. We want to be celebrating, smiling and joyful. Honestly, both of our parents are giving both of us away. And really, it's our decision, not our parents' so they're not really "giving" us away at all. And "giving away" the bride originates in societal gender roles of a female being the property of her father, and in marriage, becoming the groom's property. Mel went to an all-women's college. She is beyond against this thought.
Some choose to see one another at the moment the bride enters. The Song of Solomon speaks of a radiant bride on her wedding day, so it's definitely open for argument, but Mark and Mel believe strongly in greeting those who come to our celebration.
"Brides have been thought to be particularly vulnerable to evil spirits and many of the customs and traditions associated with weddings are to provide protection. The veil was originally worn by Roman brides. It was thought that it would disguise the bride and therefore outwit malevolent spirits."
Mel doesn't know if she's going to wear a veil, but if she doesn't, you know why.
"In ancient times, men sometimes captured women to make them their brides. A man would take along his strongest and most trusted friend to help him fight resistance from the woman's family. This friend, therefore, was considered the best man among his friends." In Anglo-Saxon England, the best man accompanied the groom up the aisle to help defend the bride.
During the 'marriage by capture' era, close friends of the groom-to-be assisted him when he kidnapped the bride from her family. The first ushers and best men were more like a small army, fighting off the brides angry relatives as the groom rode away with her.
"For a long time, bridesmaids wore dresses much like the bride's gown, while ushers dressed in clothing that was similar to the groom's attire. This tradition began for protection against evil rather than for uniformity; if evil spirits or jealous suitors attempted to harm the newlyweds, they would be confused as to which two people were the bride and groom."
The bridesmaids, you will notice, will probably not have the same dresses. In the interest of avoiding selfishly picking expensive gowns that will only be worn once on women with different styles and body types, Mel is actually looking into several colors, and allowing the bridesmaids to choose the style of dress, as long as it is floor-length and modest.
"A combination of red and white flowers is avoided by the superstitious because they stand for blood and bandages."
Oh my!
Flowers can be a terribly ostentatious, not to mention expensive, endeavor. We will have flowers, but we are not going overboard.
"Different regions may attach other meanings to the same flower. For example lilies symbolise majesty to some but are thought unlucky by others because of their association with death."
Another justification that superstitions hold no credibility, because they're so often contradictory.
"The groom often chooses a flower for his buttonhole which also occurs in the bride's bouquet. This is a vestige of the time when a Knight would wear his Lady's colours to display his love."
Okay, I'm a romantic, and that's just cute. We will probably have matching flowers for the wedding party.
"Ancient uses included herbs, not flowers, in bouquets because they felt herbs -- especially garlic -- had the power to cast off evil spirits (can you imagine walking up the aisle holding a clump of garlic!?)."
We don't believe in vampires.
We haven't yet decided to have a flower girl or ring bearer.
"Flower girls carried sheaves of wheat, a symbol of growth, fertility, and renewal."
Carrying a sheaf of wheat I can imagine looks somewhat ugly. But, being Irish, we may employ this. Also, ring bearers and flower girls tend to be young to represent innocence. Mel was never a flower girl, and she was sad by that. We are considering going outside of the suggested 5-10 age bracket.
"Though commonly performed in Christian weddings, the unity candle ceremony is not Christian in origin and is in fact prohibited in many churches. In all likelihood, it is less than 20-30 years old. Some sources trace it back to the wedding of Luke and Laura on the soap opera "General Hospital." Luke and Laura might have popularized the unity candle, but they didn't invent it. Luke arrived on the show in 1978 and they were married in 1981. Protestants in Illinois were using the unity candle at least as early as 1976." ("Unity Candle," Wikipedia)
Soap Operas are not our thing, and are a far cry from the devoted love we are committing to one another.
"The origin of the tiered wedding cake lies in Anglo-Saxon times. Guests would bring small cakes to the wedding and stack them on top of each other. Later, a clever French baker created a cake in the shape of the small cakes and covered it in frosting. It is now known as the tiered cake."
"The shape of the modern three tiered iced cake is believed to have been inspired by the spire of Saint Bride's Church in the City of London."
Much to others' chagrin, we are making our own cake. Friends of ours did the same at their wedding in order to carve out time with one another in the very hectic days before the ceremony. We would like to follow in this, as the most important thing in this Sacrament is Unity in Christ and to one another.
"It is said that unmarried guests who place a piece of wedding cake under their pillow before sleeping will increase there prospects of finding a partner and bridesmaids who do likewise will dream of their future husbands."
We won't ask questions if any of you take a slice home.
"The top tier of the cake is often kept by couples for the christening of their first child."
Or for their first anniversary, to remember the sweetness of their first day in marriage. Well, either way, everyone we know who defrosted their cake said it was gross. So much for sweet remembrance. We are making the cake for you all, not ourselves. We'll make another on our first anniversary, and another for a child's christening. No use in putting any yummy stuff to waste.
"Tossing the bouquet is a tradition that stems from England. Women used to try to rip pieces of the bride's dress and flowers in order to obtain some of her good luck. To escape from the crowd the bride would toss her bouquet and run away. Today the bouquet is tossed to single women with the belief that whoever catches it will be the next to marry."
Talk about some violent superstitions! (another absurdity) Mel will, however, be tossing a bouquet (without thorns - she had battle scars from the one she caught last October).
"The garter from the bride comes from the ancient custom of witnesses at the marriage bed (to make sure the couple consummated the marriage); the witnesses would bring it forth as a sign of the witnessing. It became such a violation of privacy that eventually the bride would have the groom throw it to prove consummation. This is one of the oldest customs surviving wedding rituals."
Sorry to disappoint you, boys, but the garter will not be tossed. Really, it is up to us to consummate the marriage. Additionally, we are both disgusted by the American practice of the man who catches the garter putting it on the woman who caught the bouquet - using his teeth, and adding a year of good luck to the married couple for every inch above her knee. We are inviting children, so our wedding reception is G-rated.
"The term 'honeymoon' is though to originate from the times when a man captured his bride. The couple would hide from the bride's parents before marrying. The couple would remain in hiding for a further cycle of the moon after the wedding. During this period they drank honey wine."
Well, for one, Mel is not being captured, and secondly, we are going to hide, but for no other reason than we both like surprises and sweet little secrets. We are planning a lovely honeymoon, and we will be thrilled to tell you about it and show you pictures when we return.
There are so many other customs you would think absurd.
Here is our bibliography, in case you want to visit more.
Smolarski, Denis C. Sacred Mysteries: Sacramental Principles and Liturgical Practice. Paulist Press: New York, 1995.
Covino, Paul. "Revisiting the Rite of Marriage." Liturgy May-June 1994: 4-8.
"Unity candle." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. 18 Jul 2006, 05:03 UTC. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. 3 Aug 2006 <http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Unity_candle&oldid=64413041>.
http://www.weddings.co.uk/info/tradsupe.htm#oldnew
http://ChannelOklahoma.com/wedding
http://www.factmonster.com/spot/weddinglore1.html